This was inspired by a very brave infertility brother going through a very hard time who reminded me that sometimes strong silent tears are cried on the inside….
Big boys don’t cry.
When the cycle hits the fan and it all comes crashing down, your role is to be strong.
Shield your wounded wife from the outside world while she nurses the loss of yet another potential baby.
The phones calls to all the relatives to recount the results.
The robotic responses to ‘can we do anything, we’re so sorry, don’t give up, it will happen someday’ roll off your lips without any thought.
The need to stay composed through this exercise can force your own feelings of grief deep inside.
Then comes the inevitable question: “Why don’t you care?”
This person you have been trying so hard to protect suddenly is angry because you aren’t showing your emotions with the same tears and grief that she shows.
But not showing those emotions is not the same as not feeling those emotions.
They are there. But the flood gates are held back by the concern that if they are released, they will drown your loved one at a time when she is already struggling to survive emotional storm waters.
Your tears are shed differently.
Deep inside, your heart and soul is lined with tear stains every time you hear your loved one cry in despair, stay under the covers for days, or just hide away from a world that has so many painful reminders of something that continues to be so elusive.
You have to hide those tears as you go out into that world, and see those reminders of what you don’t have on billboard signs, in the car next to you, described in radio ads, on TV ads, in pop ads on your computer, while you get the groceries, pay the bills, and carry on while your loved one takes the time to grieve another loss in the safe haven of home.
Strong silent infertility tears are cried.
They just end up being cried inside your heart, rather than running down your face.