The big problem with the infertility journey is it becomes SO focused on avoiding the BFN.
If you’ve gone through one complete cycle of any type of infertility treatment and failed, the focus can very easily become on not failing, rather than on actually seeing yourself holding a healthy baby.
This is harder on women than it is on the man. I remember Lisa tuned into every muscle twinge, every sensory receptor in her nether regions, every ‘feeling’ in her womb, every sign around her.
She took each failure personally, even though the biological challenge my low, crappy sperm added to the equation was very much to blame for the level of treatment we graduated to in the end.
With most modes of pursuit in life, you are encouraged by other people’s success stories. With infertility those stories make you feel left out. Like you’re the unlucky one. The loser who is left behind.
If news about someone in your support group finally getting pregnant is too painful for you, at least try to filter the amount of negative news you let in from the world.
In the 1990’s, despite the murder rate in the country dropping 42%, coverage of murders surged by 700%. Anybody remember the big murder story that sparked this media obsession? One name comes to mind: O.J. Simpson.
I totally get that it may be too painful to share in the joy of someone else’s pregnancy news if you’re in the thick of budgeting for another IVF, hoping your veins will hold up to more fishing expeditions by inexperienced phlebotomists, wondering how the infertility drugs will affect you this time, and hoping that this is the last time you’ll have the ultrasound wand waved around your insides.
But you can control the amount of negative news from the world. Turn the 24 hour news off, avoid social media for at least a couple of hours and watch a sunset.
If you absolutely need an online fix, believe or not, you can find “good news only” websites that will show you stuff that can shift your mindset about the state of the world long enough to get your perspective back. One is the Good News Network https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/more/about-us/
While the major networks do offer online “Good News” categories, they are either loaded with bylines to the not so good news, or you get relentlessly spammed with ads while you’re trying to read, so I don’t recommend them if you are truly trying to go on a bad news detox for at least a few hours.
Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way, wherever you are in your infertility journey!