I Don’t Know How You Feel

I found myself leaving last night’s support group a little embarrassed.

I used the words “I know how you feel.”


Sometimes in my desire to relate to couples in our support group I forget, I don’t know how you really feel.

It doesn’t matter that I went through infertility.  Had losses.  Spent lots of money.  Had more losses.

At the end of the day, I am not where you are.

My experience comes from a place of memory, not current pain.

I can’t truly speak to that pain, because an IVF procedure finally worked for us.

And that was over 11 years ago.

I will continue to pray for peace for you.

Be here to listen to your pain, and offer stories about how I coped.

But I promise I won’t say  “I know how you feel” again.

Because I truly don’t.

I am very sorry for that oversight.



One Response to I Don’t Know How You Feel

  1. Agreed! People say that as an expression not just over infertility but when you are experiencing other types of pain and suffering in your life. Luckily, no one has said that to my wife and I on our journey to become parents, but I have heard it with plenty of other bad stuff we have gone through. I never did take it as comforting, just an expression people use because they don’t know what else to say.

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