Infertility Requires Deliberate Action…Not Desperation


Although I am happy to see that MTV is joining the infertility awareness movement with a feature about infertility on its True Life Series, I am disappointed that they use the word “desperation” in the title.

There is no desperation involved in the decision to pursue infertility treatment. It requires careful planning physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually.

The word desperation gives the connotation that pursuing medically assisted baby making is a random, wildly erratic, almost impulsive decision.

It’s none of those things.

Maybe “beating the clock to have a baby” would have been a better title.

The biological clock certainly creates a sense of urgency, especially if you are familiar with how the success rates change every 3 to 4 years of reproductive age.

I ranted about the use of the word “desperate” on a Dr. Phil episode a few years ago, when it portrayed a woman as almost mentally unstable because of how ‘desperately’ she wanted a baby.

In fairness to Dr. Phil, the episode redeemed itself when Dr. Phil told the insensitive husband that the best gift he could give his wife was the gift of helping her pursue her dream.

I think that’s what bugs me the most: that somehow infertility treatment is a pursuit of desperate people, rather than a logical action taken by a medically diagnosed reproductive challenge.

We graduate from high school, and go to college, or go to work.

Those aren’t considered ‘desperate’ measures, but rather a deliberate action to get a higher education, or begin earning money.

We decide to buy a car or a house, and those aren’t desperate measures–they simply enable easier transportation, or the pride of owning our own shelter.

Yet when it comes to investing in infertility treatment to start a family–boom–suddenly the word desperate enters the conversation.

Or even obsessed.

Vanity sometimes rears it’s ugly head (yes, I’m so vain I want to use the reproductive organs that nature used and/or God gave me to do what they were designed to do).

Please, please, please, producers of infertility themed shows–stop with the use of the word desperate.

You want to say “courageous enough to pursue IVF”, I’m right there with you.

Tenacious, persistent, driven, passionate–go for it.

Desperate is a weak, meaningless word that doesn’t come close to describing anyone that willingly signs up, pays for, and waits out the results of a 30 to 45 day medical procedure to bring a child into this world.







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