As I write this on the eve of Elliana’s 9th birthday, I find myself trying to remember where we were on October 1st, 2001.
It would have been 10 days before our trip to St. Barnabas for our last all out, no expenses spared effort to finally realize our dream of a biological child.
The recent footage of the 10 year anniversary of 9/11 transported me back to the feelings of doubt I had about going through with the whole journey. We were facing 3 weeks in New Jersey across the river from the worst terrorist attack in history, all to bring another life into what had become a nightmarishly frightening world.
Yet at the same time, Lisa and always loved October, so I remember being excited at the prospect of fall weather, leaves changing and all of the autumn revelry that is so absent from life in the Tucson desert. Little did we know that the weather that October would be unseasonably warm for New Jersey, and would not cool off until just a few days before our departure nearly a month later.
I might have been checking our bank account and credit cards to make sure the credit balance would support 3 weeks of hotel, car rental and living expenses ON TOP of the $11,250 IVF procedure we would pay in advance for a the 53% odds of success for Lisa’s age group. Savings would be nearly wiped out, and my commissions would not be coming in as quick without me there to farm for mortgage business.
Lisa and might have been escaping to the movies that night, watching TV, or flipping the channel to steer away from the ever increasing loudness of war drums being thumped as America for prepared for a battle against the perpetrators of the 9/11 attacks.
It all seemed so impossible at that time, so uncertain, the true epitome of faith—being sure of what you hope for.
Sitting here tired typing this blog entry after decorating house with some sadness of its lack of inclusion of any princess figures (Selena Gomez was Elliana’s birthday decoration of choice), I quietly celebrate the ten year anniversary of the miracle of October 1st.
Because on October 1st, 2001, all we had was hope. Faith. Lisa was more sure of it than me. She never wavered
And now, as the last 10 minutes of Elliana’s amazing 8th year roll over into the beginning of her 9th year, I thank God we never gave up.
I also realize how perfect Elliana’s name is again:
Elliana: which means God has answered our prayers.
With her middle name: Faith.