I had my first physical in a few years, and had honestly forgotten that I’ve gotten to the age where my annual includes the old gelled rubber glove.
There is still a bit of residual space in that area after today’s prostate exam.
As uncomfortable as the test was, it was over in about ten seconds bent over clutching the exam table.
A whole lot less time than ANY of the dozens-maybe even a hundred- ultra sounds Lisa had to sit through during our infertility days.
Of course that ultrasound is just one of many of the daily bodily abuses women face during any given infertility procedure.
I can’t imagine having my ass turned into a pin cushion constantly being filled with salad oil like fluids, or getting bee sting like shots in my stomach daily knowing that those stings were likely to contribute to abdominal bloating in the near future.
The daily blood draws to check hormone levels, and then the big event egg extraction and embryo transfer…I ain’t got the words to express my admiration for the strength of the female infertility patient.
If any of my almost a father brothers are thinking about complaining about how crabby or short fused their wives are during infertility, I would say this:
Just remember the gelled up glove exam you get once a year.
Then imagine having that intrusion every other day or so for a couple of weeks.
That’s right–you’d be grumpy and short fused too.
And you probably wouldn’t be able to sit down for a week.
In my research, I am learning that when it comes to treatments, men do have it easier.
We might take some clomid, and our testicles might be operated on (I AM VERY LIKELY HEADED FOR THIS TYPE OF SURGERY) to find sperm when no sperm can be found in the ejaculate or epididymis, and we might even be subject to “forced” masturbation during IUI and IVF treatments, but it is nothing like like what a woman has to go through.
However, when it comes to the emotional aspects of infertility, I utterly reject the common notion that it is harder on a woman than a man. I can tell you that it is as hard on me as it would be for any woman. I have had sleepless nights, crying times, and just feeling down. My drive to be a parent is as strong as any woman’s–I actually have a nurturing instinct unlike some men. I have cried way more than my wife on this journey, and I worry more than she does about becoming a parent. I am not a typical strong, silent male. I like to share my feelings and am way more relationship oriented than the average male. For example, I would go to a support group for IF, my wife would not. In many ways, my emotional make up is closer to a female’s than a male’s-so I actually can empathize somewhat better with what some women might be going through.
Jason–thanks so much for making that point. I wholeheartedly agree that the emotional aspects of infertility can be as hard on a man as a woman. Lisa has always kidded that she ‘designed’ me–telling her brothers that she would marry a guy who didn’t want to watch football all day on holidays and would rather be with her, cooking the turkey in the kitchen and talking about life and laughing. So I can relate to not being the standard ‘guy’–I’d rather be in a deep conversation than sit in front of the TV. Believe me–writing a blog devoted to a topic that is arguably portrayed as a woman’s issue requires an evolution beyond the typical strong silent type! Glad to hear again that there’s another guy out there that is connected to that empathetic nurturer.
Thanks! One of the things my wife is grateful for is the fact that I am not heavily into watching sports, never have been, never will be. I find I am into very few “manly” type hobbies. My wife has always liked that about me and appreciated it more than any woman I ever dated. In fact, I like to believe that was one of the things that made her fall in love with me and marry me.