Where The Infertility Challenged Fatherhood Journey Begins

For me, it started with a nagging pull at my ego when my wife, Lisa, came home month after month with a bag of groceries that included maxipads rather than an EPT.   Then there was the whispered chatter between Lisa and my mother-in-law as they discussed in far too much detail upcoming tests to evaluate the child bearing efficiency of the uterus, fallopian tubes…and (shudder) even my sperm quality.   When I was brave enough to stay in the room for more than five seconds, it was like nails on a chalkboard the entire time.

It has been nearly 16 years since I first heard the words “what’s the matter, Den you shootin’ blanks” from my testosterone laden U of A Wildcat football playing brother-in-law, and I still remember scratching the side of my head with my middle finger so he could plainly see my response, but feeling a very real pain in my gut that I had not impregnanted my wife the traditional manly way.   Time, and 8 years of fatherhood have eased the pain of those first battles with fertility insecurity.

I know if you are reading this and still trying for child number one, I may seem like the last person that should be complaining about anything fertility related.  But if you’ll indulge me, here are the words that have a similar impact on a post infertility parent: “So when are you gonna have a brother or sister for your daughter?”

Apparently the two-thousand-one-hundred-ninety days, tens of thousands of dollars, 45 days of blood draws, ultrasounds, collapsed veins, UTI infections, mood swings, and phone calls that for more than ten embryo transfer cycles reported an unequivocal “negative” result have escaped the memories of these inquirers. 

I guess as our therapist always said ‘if they could do better, they could’.  But since they usually can’t, in my next post, I’ll share some of the tactics we used to nagivate the emotional landmines inherent in family gatherings, social get togethers and just plain rude people that make up the beginning stages of the journey to fertility related fatherhood.

One Response to Where The Infertility Challenged Fatherhood Journey Begins

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