Ok-so this can be the mother of all days for the ‘almost a father.’
This is a time to really pay attention to where your significant other is in your infertility journey.
She may want to act brave and attend all the mother’s day events.
On this day more than any other day I would have an exit strategy at the first telltale signs that the foundations of courage are cracking.
The overly gossipy aunt that loves to talk about every single pregnant member of the family–have a bunch of subjects ready to change to. Or better yet, swoop down and grab your wife by the arm telling her you need to show her something…just get her the hell out before auntie starts describing all the symptoms of each expecting family member.
You will have to be the platitude police as well…there are likely to be a lot of well meaning pieces of completely worthless advice uttered by well meaning but often impatient family who may be tiring of your ongoing infertility struggles.
I would limit attendance at these events to an hour -even a half hour if you are able. Long enough to give hugs and kisses, make your presence known, and then move on to the next house (if you both need to pay homage to your own moms).
If you are fresh off a cycle failure, don’t be afraid to skip the family get togethers altogether, especially if you know there will be a lot of kids there. Maybe rent a bunch of Nicholas Sparks movies, or go the other direction–all action flicks. Lisa used to like Die Hard type movies when things really had hit the fan–so we’d snuggle up and disappear into a world where the bad guys lose and the good guys win.
I don’t care how even tempered or “okay” your wife says she is with everything–a full day of reminders of what you don’t have can exhaust even the most stoic of aspiring fertility challenged mothers, so don’t be afraid to be assertive about a time limit on any event.
If you have a pet that is dear to your wife, a card or gift from that furry little kid is likely to bring a smile where there otherwise is likely to be a sadness. I know it might seem corny and awkward, but our Pomeranian provided a lot of comfort on days like Mother’s Day when he magically showed up with a paw print painting, or a mom and dog picture framed with a ‘world’s best dog mom’ frame.
Whatever you do, make sure you give a lot of love, and a lot of extra attention, to your almost a mother this Sunday.