Tag Archives: fear of loss

Fear Of Loss Or Vision of Gain

I had never heard this expression before today.

I was on a motivational website and it talked about how easy it is to begin to play it safe when you’re getting close to realizing something you really want.

The example I was reading revolved around a guy who was on a final interview for a big corporate job.

He was all fired up and passionate in the initial interviews, but the final interview was a dinner party.

He began to get all in his head as he met different levels of employees and their spouses through the night.

A few comments made him doubt some of the initial convictions he had about what he could offer the company.

A few “I’ve never heard of that” and  “that’s unique” comments when he shared some of his experiences and views on why he hoped to join the company suddenly had him playing it safe.

About an hour later, this guy noticed the hiring manager lurking in the background with a concerned look on his face.

A few days later, he found out he didn’t get the job.

When he asked the hiring manager why, he was surprised by the answer.

“I need someone whose vision of gain, is stronger than his fear of loss.  You came in here all guns blazing, and honestly, I believe in your vision.  I just don’t think you do.”

It is SO easy to get into a fear of loss game plan with infertility and start playing it safe.

Of course often the fear is truly of MORE loss, not just loss in general.

A cycle fails.

You get the credit card bill or checking account balance that reminds you of how much you spent to incur that loss.

The doctor says you need to go to a procedure that offers a higher success rate, but you know that comes with more potential physical, emotional, spriritual and yes…financial loss.

You consider whether to play it safe.

Sure, the odds of another IUI working are like 5%, verses maybe 35% with IVF.

You can rationalize that maybe the IUI didn’t work because the eggs and sperm never even got together.

There aren’t as many days committed to the IUI protocol.

It’s easier to absorb the idea of  maybe several hundred, or even a few thousand dollars of loss for a failed IUI.

The fear of losing actual embryos from an IVF is far more emotional.  It’s a bigger potential loss.

About a month and half of your life will be committed–about 3 times as many days as the IUI.

Not to mention the several thousand of dollars committed to for the potential loss of an IVF?

Tougher to stomach, no doubt.

I don’t say this lightly, because it was a helluva decision for us to commit to a vision of gain with infertility,  in the face of so many previous losses.

It comes down to deciding what is motivating you more.

Your fear of loss.

Or your vision of gain.