For some reason this week every time I start working on a post about an infertility related topic I end up inspired by either an action movie, (Terminator a few weeks ago), a boxing movie (Rocky IV yesterday) or a war movie, such as today.
I read an exchange on Facebook about insensitive relatives at social events announcing a pregnancy or ogling over a baby knowing full well that there is a fertility challenged person in the room.
I immediately pictured Mel Gibson in “We Were Soldiers” when the enemy army began to advance screaming “we got a hot LZ!”
Lisa and I learned to craft an exit strategy after a few landing zone operations at infertility sensitive battlegrounds like birthdays, baby showers, and holidays resulted in tremendous emotional casualties for us both.
Generally we would agree on a set up going into the event—I might have a client that would need documents picked up, or Lisa might have a friend in need that needed her support to get through a tough spot with her husband/mom/dad (fill in the blank).
We usually had a conversational cue—“Did you still need to pick up those documents from your client tonight?” Or, “Was that Jane that just called you about her husband threatening to walk out on her?”
In some cases, if we were fresh off a big loss (IVF failure or miscarriage), I had a timer set to go off and we would roll in, kisses and hugs, say a few words of hello to everyone, and be on our way, like celebrities heading out for a photo op with just enough time to say a pleasant hello but leave before the press could ask any loaded questions.
This was a great role for me to play, because often the impact of a kid filled event had a deafening artillery shell explosive effect on the emotions of Lisa, and I knew I had to get her to cover before another round came at us.
Guys—you want to be a good soldier—so be the exit strategist, and be aware of what the LZ looks like when you walk into the room.
You see a crowd gathering around some part of the room, odds are there is a kid viewing and at some point someone is going to ask you or your wife to come join and see what little miracle child that isn’t yours is doing for the first time. Divert to the kitchen to regroup.
Somebody says the words “you guys should just adopt” or “if you just take a break from all this infertility you’ll get pregnant” be ready to intervene, phone in hand, with a concerned look about the phone call you just got from the neighbor that noticed someone suspicious outside your house.
These little diversions and strategies may seem silly and unnecessary, but I know they helped us avoid losing battles when we were emotionally outnumbered by idiot factor enemy forces hell bent on forcing their baby happiness on us.
Would love to hear what your battle plans have been to avoid your hot LZs.