Tonight I lightened the hell up.
Everything in life can’t be a save the world moment.
I sang to some country music in the car.
Relived some great 80’s moments in my head as Michael Jackson taunted me with “So you wanna be starting something…”
Infertility and life in general can make you feel like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.
Tough decisions about what to do next, when to do it, if you can afford it and so on can darken every corner of your being.
If you let them.
I tend to be an intense person.
Thank God I have Lisa to lighten me up.
I used to be a very light hearted person.
Ever since our infertility days I’ve struggled with becoming too serious about everything.
Being in a perpetual state of goal achievement, plan making, plan adjusting and path making.
It doesn’t make for a very fun time for the people around me.
As Lisa and Elliana have reminded me.
I’m working on that.
I realize my ‘lack of fun’ moods are the byproduct of feeling so much pressure to provide for all the financial and logistical requirements of IVF during our infertility days.
I’ve slipped into that lately as I work on making major changes in our lives that I want to move us in a new direction.
As I was singing/screaming out the chorus to “She’s A Beauty” I felt my spirits start to come out of the darkness.
The truth is I just take shit too seriously sometimes.
None of this crazy journey is worth it if you’re not having fun along the ride.
Yes, anything worth pursuing is going to be hard.
I learned that from infertility.
But when I think about all the times that we laughed so hard watching South Park with our infertility support group buddies, I realize that levity is what helped us survive.
So if you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, shrug it off for awhile with a few minute watching a foul but funny movie.
Or rock out to some music you haven’t listened to in ages.
It might just lift your spirits up high enough above the darkness, that you realize behind those clouds, the sun is still shining just as bright as ever.