I remember seeing shadows after a few years of failed infertility cycles.
Up until infertility, I had always been a very glass is half full person.
I believed that everything would work out, that the occasional setback was just something that would make me more strong and determined.
Losing embryos was the catalyst for the shadows to begin to dance around me.
It’s impossible for anyone who hasn’t gone through the 45 day ordeal of ultrasounds, blood work, stim drugs, egg extractions, sperm samples, the pictures of the embyros on a video screen before transfer, the two week wait, and then the devastation of a negative pregnancy test to understand this.
Even though I didn’t have to go through all the physical pain that Lisa did, I shared the emotional pain of the failure.
The shadows began to lurk in every part of my life.
Maybe there’s a bigger health problem that is the underlying cause of your infertility. Some rare disorder that will reveal itself with another awful phone call.
Then it began to appear at work.
Maybe the good days are over. Your trials have started. You got your soulmate–why be so greedy wanting a soulbaby too?
That’s when I realized I was taking it all too seriously.
Defining myself by my infertility and letting that one aspect spill over into dread that similar failures awaited me in other parts of my life.
I talked to other support group members who experienced similar feelings.
And that’s when the shadows disappeared.
Talking to other people about infertility shines a spotlight on the shadows. You realize they have no substance. They are an illusion–the result of not having enough light in a room to keep them away.
Sharing with a group of aspiring medically challenged parents provides that illumination.
Knowing you are not alone expands the span of that light and fends off isolation and depression.
That’s the light that Resolve’s support groups provided in our lives.
Resolve provided opportunities, and still does, for people with infertility to replace what may seem like an endless night of shadows and loneliness, with a new dawn of sun shining down with the warmth of hope.
They relentlessly advocate for better care, tax credits, and awareness for the millions of infertile couples across the country, and fight the shadows of personhood as they threaten to create challenges for IVF patients.
Happy Birthday Resolve
Thanks for fighting the infertility shadows.