Dear Aspiring Dads



It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.

I woke up this morning thinking about how Father’s Day used to feel when we were still going through infertility.

I would wake up with ache in my heart. It wasn’t the same as the one that ran through Lisa—hers ran down deep through to her soul, as I think it does for any woman who yearns to fill a part of her that nature and God designed for one purpose.

The ache I felt I suppose came from knowing deep down that I wanted to be a dad. I needed to be a dad.

In the financial world I’m always talking about the difference between a need and want. Very often having children is characterized as a ‘want’.   I’ve seen posts on facebook referencing the ‘vanity’ of people who endure the rigors infertility to have a biological child.

I wonder if those same people believe it is a vanity to breathe. To eat. To sleep. To walk.

As men and women, we are designed with this amazing capacity to recreate ourselves. Yet this society takes it so much for granted. We defy and delay our own biology in the name of financial security, career pursuits, or other ‘convenience’ factors.

Those Father’s Days before Elliana were very quiet. The ache would run so deep that I wonder now how I was able to live with it for so many years.

This morning, I woke up, and passed by my daughter’s room.

She is sleeping after a long day hanging out with dad yesterday, working out, running errands, going to guitar practice, and trying to stay cool in the stifling heat of a 109 degree dry heat.

There were moments though, when I looked in her eyes, and I remember that ache.

The ache is different now though-it is a joy, because I see myself reflected back in those beautiful big brown eyes. I love her so much sometimes it hurts.

I don’t know where you are in your journey right now. I’ve written hundreds of posts that talk about how hard it can be as you’re going through treatment to keep your sanity. To avoid becoming cynical about all the medical protocols and money and disappointment you may endure.

There were moments when I said ‘we’re through’. This is not worth it. This is never going to happen.

Fortunately in the moments I still had the presence of mind to pray, and I heard God’s voice telling me not to give up.

And thanks to God and continued persistence, I spend this Father’s Day about to wake a sleeping 12 ½ year old bear to head to church in about hour for a father’s day Mass.

Hug your wife today.

Thank her for trying if you are still in the journey.

Thank for never giving up if you’re a father.

And remember this simple fact:

It’s won’t be easy.

But it will be worth it.

One Response to Dear Aspiring Dads

  1. You know I get the whole almost a father thing. I see it and live it every day. My wife and I were pregnant 2.5 years back. We lost the baby and have not been able to conceive since then. We started the process of finding the root cause. We found out I have sub normal count and motility. I wish there was more support for men and women who can’t afford the process. It saddens me and honestly makes me feel like less of a man. Not only can I not afford to be a man but I can’t give her a child either. We both make enough to have a child naturally but just not scientifically. Sad ain’t it? Please bring to light that some of us can’t go 70k in the hole. We have the same wants and desires but no help. The one trip to the doc on occasion is more of 1hr waiting and 5 minute visits. Story of my life

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