#WearOrange
Sunsets without a child
I’ve always loved watching sunsets at the beach. There’s something spiritual about watching the sun as it kisses the horizon, creating an golden-orange pathway on the water. I also remember how hard it was to watch dads playing on the beach with their kids when we were trying for one.
It’s those little moments — moments that fertile people take for granted — that can produce the most heart-tugging pain for couples who are still trying to have a child. A dad holding a toddler’s hand as she giggles and runs away from the water as it ebbs and flows towards her tiny toes can be a gut-wrenching sight to behold for a dad-wannabe.
The shadow of the child-that-still-could-be is always in the background
When I got the cover artwork back for the book I wrote about our infertility journey, it took my breath away. The shadow of a little girl on the beach holding the shadow of a childless man’s hand perfectly illustrates what it feels like to be “almost a father.”
There were times when I could feel our child’s soul — I knew somehow that we were going to have a girl. When each cycle failed, I still sensed a presence, a reassurance that she would come into our world at some point. But it was bittersweet while we waited.
The sunset and the waves reminded me something bigger was all around me
Looking back on it, I realized I drew comfort from the beach because I could feel God’s power all around me. The force of the waves, the endless expanse of the ocean and the certainty of the rise and fall of the sun reminded me that all things were possible.
The tide would always come in, even after it went out. The sun would always rise again even after the sky fell into darkness. And in those moments, I prayed and trusted that God would hear my prayers for a child.
He not only heard those prayers, but He blessed us with a daughter that held my hand for many years at the beach.
And she loves watching the sunsets as much as I do.
