I remember the first time our RE suggested we take ourselves out of the equation.
The conversation started like this:
‘Well, Denny, we already know your sperm is lousy…”
I don’t really remember what he said after that, because I was holding back my urge to wrap his chicken legs around his neck and fold him up like a pretzel.
My rage filled thoughts subsided when they tried to process the word ‘donor’ that kept being peppered into his conversation.
Reading posts on facebook infertility pages I know this is still a common experience.
Fail even one IVF and you risk screwing up the statistical success rates of any clinic.
Before you take yourself out of the equation, do a gut check.
Does it tell you that you’ve exhausted the resources you need to justify adding someone else’s biology to your parenthood plans?
If not, then don’t do it.
We ignored the RE that day.
We failed two more IVFs with him, but we never got to the point where taking ourselves out of the biological equation was an option.
That is not to say in any way, shape or form that anyone who makes that decision is compromising.
If that gut check tells you ‘hell yes, I am ready for donor’, then go boldly in that direction.
If it doesn’t, then keep researching. Keep talking to new doctors with new ideas, and new research for whatever your collective challenges are.
Keep yourself in the equation, until, or unless, you find that peace and comfort with moving beyond your biology to have your own child.
Amen! My wife and me face a long road ahead, but I think we probably will fight hard to make sure we have a biological kid of our own. The thought of adding someone else’s biology to the mix is abhorrent to both my wife and me. I couldn’t stand knowing some other guy is biologically related to my child, not to mention the fact I am pretty territorial when it comes to my wife.