Be Clear on What You Want

Over the years as Lisa and I meet couples facing infertility or revealing an infertility journey that that they rarely ever tell anyone about, we are always asked the same question:

“How did you know what to do?”

Lisa’s answer is always the same:

“Be clear on what you want.”

Those words got under my skin for years every time Lisa would say them.  I always thought of myself as the religious faith filled God fearing one in our relationship.  That is, until that faith was actually tested by something.  As a man I had no possible way to control anything beyond adding my half of the biological piece to the conception puzzle.

Like most I looked at the the affordability of each cycle and the time invested, and wanted at least some reasonable idea of the statistical success rates.  I grappled with not being able to micromanage Lisa’s uterus after embryo transfers to make sure the RE had chosen the perfect landing pad, that the hormone environment was perfectly balanced while I hoped that I would make enough extra commissions that month to pay off the expense before we got the results of the pregnancy test.

Lisa only saw herself holding a baby with my eyes.  She was willing to do whatever it took to make that happen.

Her certainty was excruciating for me sometimes because she had quit working and the financial pressure was heaped on me.  Yet life and our finances always found a way.

I believe after our 2190 day infertility journey that women are connected to a higher power simply because they have the ability to grow human life inside of them.

That doesn’t mean they can’t connect with the power of the desire for a baby if one never grows in their womb.

It simply means that they have to be clear on what they want.

After a couple of failed years of cycles, we went down the adoption path and took the classes.

It seemed so easy: no bills would be paid unless we were holding a baby. No shots, no ovarian cysts, no hormone shots.

Just as we were about to set up the Catholic Social Services home study, our reproductive endocrinologist called us to let us know we could transfer our frozen embryos. Our adoption journey ended that day.

The moment Lisa saw her thawed out embryos on that video monitor, I knew she was clear on what she wanted.

That clarity resulted in our 10th year celebration of our daughter Elliana’s life this past October.

Despite all of the financial and medical odds against it, life found a way.

But it never would have happened, had Lisa not been clear on what she wanted.

I have gotten a lot of feedback from people who wonder what Lisa’s opinions are about this and much more, so I am thrilled to announce that Lisa will be contributing her own version of our story as a guest blogger with her “Lisa’s Corner” articles.  She has always kidded that she wants to write a book about her version of our experience titled “My Own Damn Book”, so maybe Lisa’s Corner will lead to a book version down the road.

The past year she has accomplished some amazing health goals that have been 10 years in the making, as Lisa’s mind and body coped with the drama of a very rough c-section birth, caring for me after an idiotic fall from a ladder shattering my elbow when Elliana was barely 3 months old, and a very difficult post partum disorder.

Lisa’s remarkable transformation is something that will inspire moms wondering if they’ll ever get their health, spirit and body back after an extended battle with infertility and ultimately child birth.

We also have exciting news about starting up another couple’s Resolve support group here in Tucson, so stay tuned for Lisa’s corner blog posts and details about the support group launch!

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