I’ve always been resistant to asking questions.
Whether I am fearful of looking stupid in front of other people, or have too much pride to seek another person’s help to understand something, I often remain stoically and stupidly ignorant of things that are a question away from being clarified.
Just a few days ago, I was about to fall into the trap of not asking the questions and not questioning the answers.
I had a loan that I wanted to close for a client who has been loyal to me for the past decade. His only demand is reliability and keeping promises you make about service and timelines.
I ran into an intermediary person at the lender I had brokered his loan to, who, hours before we were scheduled sign, told me it couldn’t be done due to some other customers that had pushed in front of mine due to internal scheduling issues.
For me, that meant a $500 penalty for missing the signing deadline. Or it meant negotiating with this long time client to split the fee with me.
That was an unacceptable answer.
So I asked somebody else. I pleaded my case to the next level of manager, and spoke kindly and respectfully, and explained how the benefit was to all of us to make it happen, since this customer has been referring me other customers consistently for ten years.
An hour later, the documents were sent out.
The incident got me thinking of our infertility days.
I was very reluctant to ask questions at our consults at first.
Mostly because I had no idea what they were talking about, or was too embarrassed to engage in conversation peppered with so much open conversation about our private parts and their internal functions.
Never was it more important to question the answers than when Lisa started spotting when she was only a few months pregnant with Elliana.
We knew she had a progesterone deficiency, and the one thing we had done differently on this FET that we didn’t do with the IVF was adjust the mix of estrogen and progesterone.
The doctors insisted Lisa didn’t need it anymore.
At first we didn’t question it, and began the weaning.
Lisa started spotting a few days later, and questioned the wisdom of continuing with the weaning process.
Lisa had spotted during many other failed cycles despite being told unequivocally that there was no way she could with progesterone supplementation.
The answer kept coming back that at this stage it would be normal to back off on the progesterone.
The spotting was nothing to worry about and wouldn’t be uncommon at this stage of the pregnancy.
The answer was unacceptable.
Lisa had an uncommon resistance to maintaining her progesterone levels.
We decided to go back to the previous dose.
The spotting stopped right away, and about six months later, Elliana showed up in all her screaming glory.
Don’t EVER be afraid to ask the questions.
Even more important: don’t be afraid to question the answers.