What Could Be Added to This Picture?


I was perusing the internet for inspiration when I came across this picture from an infertility website.

I love the image of so much strength among women united to support each other in the journey to find their babies.

There’s only one problem.

Something needs to be added.

Maybe there are some long haired dudes in the shadow figures and I just didn’t notice them.

But I’m pretty sure they’re just not there.

Getting a group of guys to hold hands in a field and walk amid a cloudy dreamy sky is not likely to happen.  We might line up to face off against an opposing team in some sporting event, or sit side by side at bar over a beer, but a ‘man back pat hug’ is probably the best we’ll muster as a physical sign of our solidarity.

Besides, maybe it’s just me, but I want to be holding hands with the girls.

Well, not the girls, but my girl.  My wife.  As we’re going through infertility.

Maybe guys are becoming less relevant in the infertility process, as women have the option to freeze eggs at a young age by attending stylish ‘egg freezing’ mixers that I’ve been reading about.  Finding the right guy to have a kid with may not have as much time urgency, and if the biological time is frozen until the time is right, maybe infertility treatments are going to become obsolete in a decade or two.

If it turns out that this is egg freezing trend is just a fad, and that infertility is still going to be an issue even with frozen young eggs, the male contribution is going to become relevant again.

The truth is guys can double the voice of the entire infertility community. With nearly 10% of the population going through infertility, you’d think there’d be a lot more visions of men and women in the process.

I would love to see an army of guys joining the girls in Washington DC to explain to all the political powers that be that their legislative action has the ability to influence the decisions of millions of people.  I guess I’ve never actually asked this, but does that 10% of the population just represent infertile women? Or is that the men and women?

Let’s just say there are 300 million people in the United States, and 10% of them–men and women–are infertile.

That’s about 30 million people by my math.

However, only about 15 million of them really have a voice that is represented in the infertility world.

The other half are the strong silent guys bewildered by the entire process, wondering what biological train shattered their dream of getting their wives pregnant in a magic night of lovemaking bliss.

If these confused partners in the infertility process actually knew the support they could provide, they would. And imagine the effect hearing 30 million voices would have on decision makers in DC verses the effect of half that.

My goal from this point on, is to get some man power into those support pictures.

In fact, here’s one from our family team’s attendance of the NIght of Hope a couple of years ago.



Elliana with us at Night Of Hope-she thought it was cool that so many people were there to help other people "have a baby like me!"
Elliana with us at Night Of Hope-she thought it was cool that so many people were there to help other people “have a baby like me!”

Let the new infertility guy power support trend begin….


One Response to What Could Be Added to This Picture?

  1. Well said! I’ve been saying this ever since I was diagnosed with nonobstructive
    azoospermia over a year ago. If I had the money and the time, there’s a very
    good chance I would participate in advocacy day in our nations capital and in my
    state capital. Aside from money and time one of the biggest obstacles to this is
    the fact that I probably would be in with a bunch of women with whom I could
    not communicate.I would feel like a fool sitting there all left out. It’s like a
    situation where you’re in with the group and people will occasionally toss you a
    bone to make you feel included, but you can never be a part of the conversation
    in a meaningful and dynamic way.

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