I read a post on a new blog that I feel compelled to reprint today on Almost A Father.
Jason Spadaro has commented frequently on this blog in support of the male perspective.
I read a post from September 1st, that truly gets to the heart of the passion and depth that some men have for the idea of fatherhood, even if their biology is not cooperating.
Disneyland and Distractions brings back memories of so many holiday and family get together when we’d drive home, our backseat quiet and empty. We longed for a sleeping infant, a grumpy toddler, an annoying tweenie-bopper.
I’d often find myself lingering at a light next to a minivan or SUV if there was any of the above in the backseat. I wondered when…or even if…that would ever be a vision in my rearview mirror.
Jason provides the male infertility perspective in a way I can’t anymore–as a man in the midst of his infertility battle.
Here is an excerpt of the post. Be sure to check out Jason’s Blog at http://onemansbattlewithmaleinfertility.blogspot.com/
Saturday night, my cousin’s husband turned 40. They hosted a birthday party at their home in Tustin (Orange County, CA), it was fun. It had a Las Vegas/Casino theme complete with real dealers and gaming tables, a bar with plenty to drink, a buffet, and even the party music was made up of “Vegas” type performers (Wayne Newton, Louis Prima, Frank Sinatra,etc.). Luckily, we gambled with fake money. I spent a good part of the evening playing craps (I had not done this in years) and enjoying the conversation at the table. Gatherings like this are a great blessing to me because they give me a distraction from IF. I am so focused on having fun, I forget the fact I am childless. There were kids at the party, but I did not care. One of the players at the craps table was a six year old girl, she was quite the shooter! We all made lots of “money” off her rolls.
On the way home, we passed Disneyland as we were driving on the freeway. During the summer, Disneyland has a nightly fireworks show. We could see and hear the fireworks as we were driving At that moment, I started thinking about how I would love to be at Disneyland on a summer night with my own little girl watching fireworks together. As I looked into the back seat of the car, I could see my one year old niece fast asleep in her car seat. I could not help but think about how I long for the day when I will be driving home from somewhere and have a little one asleep in the back seat.
It was a fun evening. I guess the fact that I kept going back to the same old fatherhood fantasy is proof that I am truly called to be a parent one day.