So I have written about ten different introduction sentences here hoping to bridge the large gap of communication since my last post.
I was proudly thanking Resolve for the honor of receiving the honor of their Hero Award back in March of this year.
And then I promptly disappeared.
Given the ongoing challenges of my career changes, I guess I began to think that it was irresponsible to be posting on a blog when what I really needed to be doing was stabilizing my career.
Given that we have an 11 year old and haven’t been in the infertility trenches for so long what could I possibly have to add that would be of value?
Maybe the infertility part of my life had finally run its course.
Then it happened.
A scary visit to our old infertility doctor’s office for what we thought might be the harbinger of a pending surgery for Lisa yielded a total and unexpected surprise.
I have a massive amount of infertility coverage with my new employer.
Enough for 3 or 4 IVFs.
I don’t know whether to look at it as a divine blessing or cursed slap in the face.
Lisa and I are in our late 40s now.
My career challenges have led Lisa to start working full time.
Our 11 year old is going through her tween growing pains and certainly needs more emotional support than ever before.
Yet the fact remains: we could do 2 or 3 IVFs with the coverage I have.
I don’t know what to make of the timing. We don’t have the extra money for the meds we would have to pay for without dipping into long term assets that we don’t have the luxury of replenishing any time soon.
So many times I’ve lamented the lack of mandated insurance coverage, and lobbied to see the Family Act provide a tax credit for at least one full blown IVF attempt, and now I have an insurance policy that has all of that sitting in my benefits package.
Elliana would make a great big sister.
But how would we do an IVF with Lisa working, me clocking 60 hours a week at my job, and keep Elliana thriving in school and pursuing all her wants and needs.
I just don’t know.
It brings up all of those old familiar pains and struggles that I thought were so long gone.
I’m a guy.
This is not supposed to get to me.
We’re too old to have another kid.
The financial odds are stacked against us.
We already have a child.
And yet the temptation reminds me of the scene in God Father III when Al Pacino says “I keep trying to get out but they keep pulling me back in”.
We beat the odds before. Is some little soul trying to finds its way into our life? Are my feet being put to the fire to see if I have the courage to step up and make this happen again?
I just don’t know.
But I know whether I like or not, another chapter of Almost a Father began the day we got that infertility insurance benefit notice.
It also renewed my desire to see coverage like this for everyone who wants to have a baby. How is that I can have access to this kind of coverage at a massive national employer and yet with all of the nationalized healthcare that now exists this benefit can’t be a part of the entire health network?
So many questions, so few answers.
Our favorite movie during our infertility pursuits was True Lies. Everytime Arnold Shwarzenegger’s Harry Tasker would start blowing up stuff and wreaking havoc with the bad guys, his faithful sidekick played by Tom Arnold would quip “Here we go.”
We watched the movie before every cycle we ever did during our six year journey to finally get Elliana.
I have a sudden urge to watch it again.
Here we go.